to my evangeline

part one

Well, this was meant to get to you sooner; but better late than never no?

---

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 times I almost did it before that day.

The thing is, I won't have had any problem with it because I felt those times were warm, warm in a way that set the mood perfectly. But I think you deserved something planned out, or rather, something thoughtful.

I remember when I told you that I liked you and that we should slow down because of the circumstances. Did we slow down though? I don't think so😭

Y'know, there's something about exposing feelings that gives them room to grow, to bloom, even when you try not to "feed them.” I think that letting them out is sometimes all the food they need to grow. Why? cause suddenly the person's every action is either rain or sunshine. In one way or another, helping the feelings grow.

I'm sure that right now you're thinking, “This boy is going all Substack on me". Well, don't worry. I caught myself before it happened.

My Evangeline, I don't know how you do it, but you make me feel so loved. Time and time again; on the days you put in obvious effort, and even on the days that you're just existing, I feel genuinely loved by you. I find it hard to explain how, but I just know that you do love me, and I think it's crazy.

Before us, before you, I didn't even realize that I saw love as grand, loud, and intense. But being with you has shown me the truth about love. That it's consistent, it's sacrificial, it's intentional, and it just keeps going.

Honestly, at first, I was wondering if I was truly willing to go all the way. Especially during the not-so-nice moments and seasons where it felt like we weren't speaking the same language. But what then would be the proof of my love if it didn’t demand my intentionality?

I want you to know that yes, I thought about the possibility of being with someone "easier" to love, as you would put it, but over and over again, it just didn't make sense to me. My heart just couldn't accept that I should go around, looking for someone that's easier to love, when you're right there, right here.

My darling, I'm not here because it's easy. I'm not here because I have it all figured out, and I'm not even here because I know you love me.
I'm here because I actually do love you, Evangeline.

Remember when I told you I wasn't playing around? I meant it. If I'm being honest, I thought this would've happened much sooner. I thought I was ready; I thought I was that guy, but you've humbled me and shown me that it'll take much more than a poetic heart and mind to do this right.

I also thought this would come easy to me, you know now, asper "loverboy,” but I think I see now that you can’t rehearse expressing your love; it demands that you’re fully present here and now.

How will I bring this letter to a close? I don’t know. Will I bring this to a close? Not soon. And so, goodbye, my Evangeline. Till I write to you again. Also, I hope you liked it.

---

Love,
Daniel .