grey

i’d rather be left in the dark, carrying the pain of rejection,
than be left in the grey;
floating in a sea of uncertainty.

i’d rather you pull away completely
than give me bits and pieces.

is it because i love easily?
is it because i’ve shown grace?
is it because my heart is so tender?

why leave me with only the scent,
but never the taste?

why do you speak to me only when you want to?
why do you remember i’m your love
only when you want to?

am I simply an object of curiosity
that you’ve now grown bored of?

tch.

you know,
i want to go back to the night we met.

the day you tapped me on the shoulder,
your eyes wide
and your heart full of curiosity and care.

or maybe back to a month ago.
when hearing my name
was enough to distract you
from whatever you were doing.

i want to go back
to when the silence between us was comfortable,
not constricting.

i don’t want to have to search for oxygen
when you’re there.

but i don’t want to go back to a week ago.

that’s when your eyes became dim
and your smile vanished.

i dislike the grey.
it’s uncertainty masked with love,
selfishness masked with desire.

and maybe the grey has always been there.
i just refused to see it.

and somehow, i’m still here.
wondering if i should wait for the color to return
or leave before the grey consumes me.

Love,
Daniel.